musespells

  Lilith by John Cullier After one heartbreaking and character dismantling relationship, the whole foundation of my psyche was shaken up. I lost sight of myself and as I wandered aimlessly, I sought refuge in the dark feminine qualities of Lilith. I no longer wanted to be a victim of an underdeveloped masculine figure and I both feared and refused to become one ever again. I took a vow with the goddess. I mastered requirements of her devotion and how to healthily embody her energy whenever she was invoked. But as quickly as she was the solution to my heart aches, she just as rapidly became the reasoning behind my own overly masculine personality. I sought dominance and independence in all relations. Charm and seduction soon became my only desire. What was once a tool for protection & survival, became my shadow. I could hear the screams for softness crying out from within my own psyche, but with no clue how to engage with the lighter side of my feminine aspects, I rema...

    Is it no coincidence that she was my goddess calling of the year? I once prayed to her daily with goal of embodying and manifesting commitment and traditional family structures. Before that I was too immature to appreciate her greatness. Like Zeus I was repulsed by her constant ambushes and her overzealous loyalty, but now I understand. Now I relate. But why can’t I recall or name a child bearing goddess? Is it just that I’m not just there yet? Is it just that when the time is right, I’ll be ready to bear the archetype? Am I also guilty of being too consumed by the masculine (both the external physical one in my life and the one that resides within my own vessel) that I have lost track of my intuitive calling? She has blessed me with a chance of commitment, but is the Athena in me running away? Is she so repulsed by the idea of playing out traditional feminine values? I’m afraid of becoming a victim like Metis, only to be consumed by my masculine partner, l...